Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
