she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
