Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
