They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
