The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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