We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
