Im at strip club and am horny
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
