you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
