two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
