quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
