you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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