I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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