five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Success! We fucked roommates!
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