oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
