You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
