i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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