Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
