god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
pop tarts are not kleenex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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