I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
