More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
