You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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