You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've blown a few things in my day
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
