she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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