Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
