try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
