Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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