I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
