I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
