I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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