I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
