tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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