yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
