I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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