i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
