Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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