Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
