After last night, I could never be a politician.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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