I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
