Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
