i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
