We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
