Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
