Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
