He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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