Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize