I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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