I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
