I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
