That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
