It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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