how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
