you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
