He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
