he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
