i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He better not be in your backpack
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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