Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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